More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
