My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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