oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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