For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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