brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
