they need to just BURY HIM!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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