Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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