I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
this is an emotional support booty call
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
