I molested 6 butterflies tonight
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Randomize
