maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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