I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
