Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
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Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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