If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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