you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
