its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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