Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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