Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
