I wanna bring you to show and tell
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The Olympian is in my bed
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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