god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My first STD was from a foam party
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
