I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
