Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just high enough for therapy.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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