FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
