Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
