if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
