well I can't set my house on fire every night
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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