I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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