I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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