He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
