And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
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On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
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I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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