He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
