I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
