We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
There's a naked man in my car right now.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
