He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
