we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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