The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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