Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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