it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
