We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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