Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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