somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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