im about as happy as oj after his trial
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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