this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
