Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
