don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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