Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i came on her dog
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
