I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
