No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
