the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I have fence marks all over my body
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
