Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
