theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
