she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
