I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
