I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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