So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Randomize
