So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
