My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
