PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
