I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
