He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
