so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
