I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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