no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
