Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
