You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
