yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
