Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
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Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
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The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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