Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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