I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
