from now on my penis is your penis
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
