I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Do vagina's smell?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
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