Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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