Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
