I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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