Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
