i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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