someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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