I wannas sexs uuuuu
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
