My room smells like vodka and shame
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
