it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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