Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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