Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
