Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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