she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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