I wish my penis had an off switch
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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