They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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