Soap is not a condiment
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
